Imagine a circle of girls holding hands but facing outwards. Now imagine around them another circle of men. Now imagine one circle moving clockwise and another circle moving anti-clockwise. Such circles are all around us, of co-dependent people who come together based on their respective structures.
D: Nobody’s filled up. That’s why you keep latching on. You keep doing the same activity.
U: And whenever we’re with one man, we think he’s the unique one, but we might as well be with any other man in that circle…
D: Oh it goes around like this only. Because behind you your boyfriend might already have been sleeping with your friend. Okay, here they weren’t doing it. But in other cases, how do you know? And even if they weren’t physically, it was for superficial reasons. Mentally, they’re all doing it. Correct? What difference does bodily action make?
And we’re not talking about bodily action anyway. We’re talking about latching on. About being filled up with power. Always, something else from outside is what we latch on to – it could be an idea, an emotion or object. But these three things will necessarily have to relate to some person. Why? Why to some other human being?
If you’re living in the jungle all alone, you will have no need of an object, a feeling or the idea. Because there’s no value in it when only you look at it. The value comes by our need to show, ‘How I look’. There is no other value other than that. It is only when the other person acknowledges that we are filled up with power. Only if he or she acknowledges me, pays attention to me – and to pay attention to me directly is not possible because you can’t see the person, we only see the body, the emotion that you feel for me and the idea inside us, we can’t see the soul directly, not possible.
So therefore the soul experiences life only through these three things – the body, the emotion and the idea or the thought. Bhu, Bhuvah, Swaha. And we interact with each other only on the basis of these three worlds which are continuously interspersing. The physical, astral and the mental. The cellular, the molecular and the electronic.
Now when you pay attention to me through something – through the body, the emotion, the thought – I’m filled up. So I try to get your attention again and again and again. Because every moment, I feel that power. It’s a never-ending process. Now, as long as you have a form, as long as you exist… if this power is not felt for a second, and I feel like oh she’s paying attention to him or to that… it isn’t always a person, it could be some idea you’ve gotten. We think oh I’m jealous because you’re paying attention to her which means you’re not paying attention here, to me. That is how insecurity and jealousy begins.
What is this insecurity and jealousy? The gap in the attention which is flowing towards you all the time. Why is there a gap? See, attention is always flowing outwards from your system. And attention is always flowing outwards from my system. But you may like some activity like playing video games. But I will not. I’ll feel powerless because you want to play video games, you don’t want to be with me.
A woman wants a man’s attention on her 24 hours.
U: But earlier you have said they don’t want it 24 hours from a specific man.
D: Right, they just want somebody’s attention. So, why is she playing a video game? Because now the attention need is being filled up by the mental and emotional world. But it’s the same thing – the need to be filled up.
D: Every moment something is filling me up. Now whether S is playing or studying, inside the state is doing the same thing, only the activity is changing.
U: But studying is not something that is desirable…
D: Oh it is always a desire. Why are you studying?
U: So you can do well in a test…
D: Or show off or accumulate knowledge. See, you’re not getting the point of desire. You’re thinking it’s something material, you’re objectifying it. You’re not looking at desire, you’re looking at the object of desire. You’re not looking at the impulse of desire that’s there every moment. You’re thinking desire to be a want of something. That’s a normal definition. That is too crude, too gross.
Rajneesh is talking about desire. The principle, the energy desire. The movement of energy in some space creates time. The movement from here to there is out of desire. Why else did it move then? It moved because it wanted to. What is want? It’s desire. Why did the energy move?
This desire is primal. What you’re talking about that this jealousy is primal. What do you mean by primal now?
U: It’s something you can’t stop doing or do anything about because it’s just there.
D: That is correct but let me use the word fundamental, not primal. Fundamental meaning the fundamental cause of life itself, of existence is this movement from here to here. It had no business to move. But why did it? It wanted to experience…
U: Like the Divine Fragment wanted to experience which is why it separated from the wholeness…
D: That’s what I’m talking about – that’s the fundamental thing. Who else is fundamental? Divine fragments wanted to experience – that is first desire, or rather that is he first movement, the first vibration. From there every other vibration flows – that is desire. That desire is the same as this desire…
U: Life is desire?
D: Life is desire. And understand one thing – there is no Divine Fragment somewhere out there. Right now, this DD and this U – these are the divine fragments moving towards something all the time. So if we can stop this movement, this Divine Fragment’s journey will be over. There’s no Divine Fragment out there somewhere. This whole thing, right now, you and I.
U: So that jealousy is fundamental?
D: It’s fundamental. If your attention moves there and doesn’t come to me, I’ll feel a gap. When you play a video game, I do not label it as jealousy but it’s the same thing, Lack of power is felt in that moment immediately, and all human beings are divine fragments. So all of them are tuned. There is no such thing as nobody knows what’s going on. Everybody vibration-wise is tuned in. You can’t fool anybody. We are all divine fragments. That jealousy will always be there till the time that I exist.
U: But what if I’m able to fill myself up. Then I won’t feel jealous.
D: Then you won’t exist. If you exist, then it means it’s a fragmentation. It’s not whole.
U: So you’re saying things recede but they never go.
D: They never go. Energy can’t go like that. Where would it go?
U: And this is related to how you mentioned that like in Mr T’s charts, all those attributes exist in all of us – because all the concepts are in our mental world – not just those that bring about the symptoms we see in our bodies.
D: If they’re not in you then where are they? They have to be in you. Where is the space to be in otherwise? If not in you, then where? What is that outside? How is it possible for something to be outside of you? You are everything and everything is not just in you, but is you.
U: But not all those diseases happen. It’s only those whose intensity is more…
D: That’s in the body brain system. The body-brain system right now, currently, is U. It’s like this, has some dominant characteristics. But in the astral and mental world, everything is there. But right now, some things are dominant, others are less intensity.
U: Like how you mentioned when the Divine Fragment first drops into the ocean – the garb it puts on?
U: So in this body-brain system of mine where some things are dominant such as jealousy – this has been going on for lifetimes…
U: Forever, and it will always be there. But what about all the other concepts? Because I have to go through the entire spectrum before I go back, right?
D: You have. On the downward arc, everything has been done. Now, what remains to be experienced? In the downward arc, everything (positive and negative) has been experienced. But the vibrations kept dropping, so it was negativity happening. Each successive level… you see, I couldn’t have gotten better. I’m angry at you, so I’ll be not angry at you for some time. But anger hasn’t gone away, it’s always there. Now because of the rapid rate of dropping of vibrations, the anger has increased.
As I go down, anger has increased. So there is never a chance to see within and say okay, why am I angry? Maybe she’s not the cause, I’m the cause. What am I doing? Something in me is inviting it. Okay, so I’ll change this. God, help me to change this. I’ll do the exercises… there’s no chance of all this. But the anger has been experienced. Now in the upward arc, the chance is there.
But it doesn’t mean I have to experience all of the incidents, ideas and feelings again because you already have. Now the only thing that remains which we were not able to do in the involutionary period, the downward arc, is look here and say,
Okay, why am I angry? This isn’t about him, it’s about me. I should change this. But how to change? And what to change?
So something will come and say, you have to change yourself.
But what is me? Where did I come from?
A voice inside will say, look, you came from so and so place.
You: Okay, how do I go back there? Do I keep working on each and every bit of anger?
The voice inside will tell you, no, no, you don’t need to work on every bit of anger. That will happen automatically if you go back to me.
Who are you?
I am God, the Divine Fragment, I am what made you.
Accha. So why do I exist?
Oh, because I wanted to experience through a body, so I made you.
So if you made me, then I’m just a false thing.
Correct. You are a false thing but you have begun to think that you’re a real thing. But if you look at me and if you say, okay I don’t want to exist anymore, then I’ll dissolve you.
Oh okay, so then why are you waiting?
I am waiting for you because you don’t come to me all the time.
I say, okay, but then, can I come to you now?
You can come to me anytime.
Okay, can I start now and keep coming to you till I dissolve?
Yes, every moment if you do one-two-three-five-six (breathe to the 3SRB rhythm), then you will not be, you will be a drop in the ocean. The ocean will wave and you will be part of it. You will have no identity.
So that’s all that needs to be done? Just one-two-three-five-six??
He says, yes. Just one-two-three-five-six. And what will happen in that one-two-three-five-six is all that is a constituent which has held you together will start dropping and you will be part of the nothingness. The nothingness is always there. But this illusion you had that you ‘are’ will drop. You never were, you never are, you never will be. But you have an illusion because of some things you’ve held together because I wanted to experience through that holding together. Now you are saying, okay, you don’t want to exist anymore. Very good! So I’ll clear the path. Actually, the path is already cleared since on the upward arc, there is no stopping of going back to source. You can come to me anytime and commit suicide like this. So start now and do one-two-three-five-six! In every one-two-three-five-six, a constituent that makes me up, dissolves.
Seriously. Every time you remember yourself, every time you see something that produces a flash in eternity. You are gone, that part is gone. In this way, there are 15 billion cells and each of them has to be dissolved. Then, one-two-three-five-six will remain, we will be gone.
So, on the upward arc we only have those many negative things in us that will lead us on, help us ask these questions?
So this U person has those many. Like jealousy for example, will always be there. Because, one of the constituents that make you up is jealousy. In the past few lifetimes, you’ve been like this, on the upward arc. And why have you been like this? Because those things will wake you up. That jealousy, that insecurity, that kind of anger… but you see, everybody has the same thing. Everybody is a divine fragment…
U: But some things are more dominant, right?
D: That’s what I’m saying. The intensity in the body-brain system of each person differs. It’s about degrees. Something that’s 90 in you could be 30 in somebody else. You may not understand mathematics too much. You’ll be 20-30. He may be 90. Love, for him, may be 5. It could be 90 for you. So, your dominant is love, his is mathematics. What difference does it make?
But you see, where anger is concerned, both of you will be at 95. It’s all the same anger, expressed differently. So what he’s showing, that he’s a genius at mathematics. Or what you are showing, that you are a very good, loving person. When it comes to anger, both of you will react internally the same. Because the power you are using to fill yourself up, the negative, false thing… it’s a false thing, isn’t it? That you exist is a false thing. So you are using this idea to exist, he’s using that idea to exist. But when both ideas are threatened, there will be jealousy, there will be insecurity, there will be anger. And behind all that there will be fear. It’s universal.
So fear, anger, doubt – these three are the stepping stones. And we think these are bad things to happen. Can you see that clearly?
U: Is it the same as when Rajneesh says we feel anger because we have wandered away from the source and don’t know how to return. So fear, anger and doubt is actually just that?
U: So fear I understand because we are separated from source. Anger – because we don’t know how to get back. But doubt?
D: Now what you’re doing – you’re doing something right? All the time. To keep yourself alive. That desire is always there, the energy is always moving. There’s always this thing – will I keep on being like this? Why are you moving otherwise, thinking of every next moment? Doubt about whether this will stay or not? Which is the same as fear.
You see – mentally, it’s doubt. When you think, you keep doubting. Emotionally, it’s anger. And essentially, it’s fear. Why do I say ‘essentially’? You see, the moment of separation produced fear. ‘Where have I come?’ So basically, it’s fear. Anger and doubt are also fear. Whatever the emotion, the root cause is fear. It may look on the surface to be happiness. Happiness is fear.
Excitement means you’re more scared. More fear produces more excitement. Excitement is always latching on to some idea, emotion or object to generate some feeling of being secure. The more secure I get, or rather I create the illusion of, the more excitement. The more excited or excitable the person is, the more the fear. He looks only outside, he can’t see inside.
U: So on her wedding day, a bride is so happy because it’s security against the fear that she’ll lose her man?
D: It’s the same thing. The filling up, the power thing. So if you take that man away from the woman, she’ll obviously feel jealous. Or he goes to a cricket match to play, she gets jealous. She will think, today he’s gone for a match with his friends, what if he goes tomorrow too? What about my quota of attention? The next day, he’ll go sit in a bar. The next day, he’ll meet some girl there. So that’s the physical thought movement going on. So today, his going to a match might look harmless but he won’t go to play alone. He’ll play with his friends, right? Whatever the human activity, it’s always a social activity. Or he will say, no no, I don’t want to play cricket, I want to go into the mountains and paint. But paint what and why, she’ll ask. He’ll say no, I want to paint the sky, the mountains , the moon in the night. She says, okay, but what will you do painting this? Who’ll earn money?
But I’ll sell my paintings.
And who’ll buy your paintings? Other human beings right? You’ll make yourself look like a brilliant genius painter. And all the women will fall for you. Then what will happen? We’ll get the money but then again you’ll go away. So don’t paint and sit at home.
But then if I sit at home, how will we get the money to feed ourselves?
She’ll say, no no, I’ll go wash vessels and do something. You don’t have to paint. I’ll work, I’ll do everything. You see, it will come to that. In about a thousand years, it’s going to come to that. And it’s already there. Today, what is happening?
U: So because women don’t know what their men are doing at work, they’ve started joining them? That’s why they’re entering men’s domains. Because they don’t trust men?
D: Obviously. What has happened is for thousands and thousands of years, they’ve been okay with a man having four-five wives. Each person always has. It’s not a new thing. But as long as her attention was there, it was okay. Then what began to happen about 2000 years ago, a man named Aristotle was born. The problem started because of him. Nobody else. Before Aristotle, there was Plato and before him, there was Socrates. Socrates was an enlightened person. Aristotle was not an enlightened person but he began to show that he knows. He was a philosopher, one who keeps talking, gathers a crowd. Ayn Rand’s entire philosophy is based on Aristotle.
So Aristotle was a guy who began to use the left brain only. Trying to put pieces together – two plus two equals four. So two plus two everywhere should equal four. But he’s not an enlightened person. He can’t travel between planets and galaxies. And nobody will teach you things like that unless you surrender to the master completely.
So the world was quite okay until 2,000 years ago, until Aristotle. But Europe has been full of barbarians. There was a time when Greece had that thing – people like Dionysus, Socrates, Plato, Heraclites. Lots of people like them. Because they all had their training from India. Most of them. And what this Aristotle did… I think there was a time that… during Alexander’s time…
What Alexander did is he began to conquer the world. And he came to India and he lost. By that time, his whole army was tired and wanted to go back home. He died in Persia (?). So Alexander was the first guy to go around conquering the world. There was Genghis Khan in China afterwards. But because of Alexander, who was able to conquer so much, everybody saw that and the need for power began to be filled up from the outside. So the Western mind began to look more and more outside, to dominate.
Before this too, in Greece, they used to have their wars and everything, but you see the oracles were there, Socrates was there, enlightened people were there to hold everyone in check. And one would always go to them for counsel first. But Alexander said, fuck all of you, I’ll go conquer the world. So this began – looking outwards… it was always there but it increased.
Now what happened – when your husband stays out, what happens? The wife will want to be other men. In the movie with Vinod Khanna and Naseeruddin Shah who are carpenters from UP working in Bombay. All these carpenters come from UP, right? So Vinod Khanna is a carpenter living in a chawl and working in the city. Naseer is a guy from Dubai wearing goggles and the hair, bell bottoms and all that. And one by one, he seduces all the women in the village, and the last conquest is Hema Malini, Vinod Khanna’s wife because she’s the most beautiful and pure at heart. And she’s also seduced. What a movie! Such insight and a well-made movie.
So what will the women do? Now they’re deprived of their attention, they’ll get angry. But men beat them up because they are physically stronger. But he doesn’t know that although she is physically weaker, she is mentally stronger, emotionally stronger. She can survive without him and survive on her own also because she’s got cunningness. This amazing quality and it’s found in abundance on this planet. This planet is for people who are cunning.
So what happens, is slowly, she manages the whole thing – gets her attention from here, here and here. And she is falling more into the hypnotic state of being totally outside. She can’t take suffering, she doesn’t want it. He goes out, he suffers, physical suffering, mental torture. And he wants freedom from that. But women don’t have suffering – because the moment she has pain, she mentally adjusts so much within that, that the pain doesn’t hit her. If she doesn’t get her attention from there, she’ll get it from here. She’s got her setting ready – the attention, the high is needed. Even for a moment, if she doesn’t get it, she goes down.
Now she’ll only get better at this, not worse. Because she’s smarter than the man and she’s stronger than the man. She’s resilient. The man can very easily get into suffering. So what is the hidden meaning in these things? The man has more potential to go back to source because he suffers so easily. So he’ll say I don’t want to live over here, I want to be free of this. He can’t take suffering. She can take it. Rather, she does her adjustments so well, that it fills her up all the time and she loves it.
P: We always have a plan.
U: But men also have a plan…
D: Yes but I’m talking about in humanity, the male and female version.
U: So how do men fill themselves up?
D: We’re not talking about men and women, we’re talking about male and female.
U: Okay. So how do males fill themselves up? With power? I mean, not with another person…
D; With work, ideas, conflict of nature. The outward, the physical world.
U: And that they can’t manipulate, right?
D: But they manipulate. They break mountains and build roads.
U: But what I’m saying is failure is more likely..
D: But they keep trying. But in both ways, the chances of failure is the same. But you see, the male is not as strong as the female, the feminine energy. And here I’m talking about you male and you female. In you, there is always a conflict between male and female. So you see, the man is on top and the woman is beneath – it energizes the woman and he loses energy. So who will lose in the whole game? The male. How can he win ever? And so obviously, he’s going to suffer.
U: So is this why all men will disappear? They’ll all be going back to source and we’ll all be here. Or they’ll move on to another planet…
D: No. They will move on to something else. Not another planet. Another way in which there are other planets. For women, they will be on this planet, in this way.
U: So is there a relation between how I tend to have male-like tendencies, which is why I’ve failed so many times.
D: You’re not a typical woman. You’re not like a MR.
U: So all these tomboy type of women. That’s what they’re struggling with?
D: You can make out whether somebody has stronger male or female energy. And the man gets angry at the woman, oh I’ll teach you a lesson and I’ll fuck you. She’s like, okay, fuck me. She’s waiting to make him angry, because she knows that if he’s angry… why do women prefer able-bodied, aggressive men? Why? All the energy that the man has, it comes to them, it fills them up. Always see this.