Different Is, the observing I, life as impressions and IESM ratio

D: … psychological aspect, not the physical aspect. (pause) What were we talking about? What was our original thread?

U: Sex.

D: Sex. And what is actually happening inside us, what is our need. But what need do we project to ourselves? So that was what we were saying. Our projection seems real to us. The projection creates a sensation within our body which make us want sexual gratification. This looks and appears real to the system – that I need sexual gratification. And the sexual imagery starts in the mind. Sexual thoughts begin. So I start planning… I have no knowledge, I have no understanding of how the state changed. Why did these sexual thoughts start happening? I have no idea. But it happened. And it keeps on happening. And after some time, they disappear also. Meaning, my state changes. Let’s say, if I’ve had sexual gratification of any kind, the state changes. Why should it change? Why does having an orgasm change state?

Before the sexual thing began, I was into something else. Then this began. This ended because of some orgasm. Then something else begins and that also ends because of some ‘orgasm’ that is connected to that thing. So that means everything has a low and a high. It begins trying to get somewhere. When it achieves that peak – it is a peak sensation – it goes back down and then the system again wants to go high up from there. This is happening without my conscious knowledge. This is happening in my system. I have no idea but I am controlled by this. And this is what is happening to me all the time.

It is sex, it is let’s say some wanting, something – like a food thing, a work thing, an attention thing. Attention is not always for sex. It is always for gratification. It is always for validation. It is not only for sex. Sex is just a means that the system uses in order to gratify oneself. But a lot of people don’t indulge in only sex. They indulge in work, they indulge in food, they indulge in sports… the sportsman in fact will not indulge in sex because it will weaken him…

U: But the gratification is the same.

D: It’s the same thing. The need for that and this are the same thing. Now, what happens is – I cannot see this need, at all. If I step back, I create an observing eye. Where a U that is observing this U doing whatever she is doing in life. Now this U – the observing U – does not start thinking.

Now what is meant by thinking. The way we think, we are involved in the thinking – the so-called mechanical process of thoughts whizzing past, telling us what to do inside the system. Not just telling us to put in an action, but every sensation or an impulse that happens in the system – some thought, some feeling – is happening all by itself. I’m not issuing a command to my system – ‘Feel this, feel that’. It happens automatically. In fact, I am the slave, they are masters. Correct?

Behind all of this, if I create an observing eye, its job is not to think again because that is what I’m doing anyway. Its job is to see, to see accurately what is happening. And, its job – the seeing job – is not for the sake of seeing. Because the question will arise – I can go on seeing. What will change in my life?

The objective is not to merely see, it’s to separate. Because now I’m involved in my thinking. They issue commands, all of these guys inside me, I follow orders . Once there is a separation, I shall start seeing myself separate from them. Now, if they give me a command, I need to have the power to not obey. Do you understand this?

So, if a command is issued to eat food, if I’m separate from this command, from this centre, I might say, ‘Look, I’m not hungry. You are getting uneasy. To dissolve your uneasiness, you will need some gratification. And your way of gratification is to seek food. I’m not going to listen to you.’ So you stay put. But this is not said in so many words. There’s a separation so what happens is – this guy issues a command to eat food, the U person does not follow the command. This guy loses power one over U. He tries again after 10 minutes.

U: But I really have to feel that I don’t want it. I can’t just think that..

D: All of that. The separation is what we’re talking about…

U: Because what is happening I think is that I’m just thinking…

D: Correct. The separation, what we just spoke about… where you will not feel the hunger. Right now you’re feeling the hunger. You are identified with the hunger, with the thought. The thought issues command to eat food. You are identified with the hunger. You become the hunger. But, the observing U, when she keeps looking – observing, not thinking – like, ‘It is asking you to eat food now. U, be careful, it’s asking you to eat. U, it’s becoming uneasy, ten minutes later it’s going to ask for food. U, this guy over there – which you can’t see right now – he’s begun. Tomorrow morning, he’s going to ask for food. He will start in the next 12 to 24 hours.’ Understand?

So, U’s observing eye will keep telling her. ‘U, three days later, this what you’re doing now will result in anger bursting out. This is what it’s doing right now.’ It is referred to as ‘it’ – everything that is happening in the system is referred to as ‘it’. And, U will keep seeing more. Then observing eye will say, look – the food I is saying this, the sex I is saying this. So each ‘I’ within – the sex I, the emotional I, the resentment I, the anger I – all of these various Is… you will think that, ‘Oh, now I know so much, I’ll wake up in the morning and do my exercises… but U be careful. The I who is making the decision now is not the same I who will wake up in the morning. The I who will wake up in the morning – and you know because you’ve been looking at this I every day – he will not look at the alarm. He will go off to sleep.

So U will say, ‘Yes, that’s true. That’s what’s been happening. That’s my pattern.’ So what do we do? You consult the observing I now. Because you two have now come together and there is a Mahabharata is happening now, within you. So the observing I says, ‘Don’t make a decision. Let’s see. I’ll keep a part of you awake the entire night and we’ll see what to do in the morning.’ Now, you and observing I have formed an alliance. This is still later. Right now, we’re in the process of creating observing I.

Observing I will create a separation between you and your stuff. When the food I says, ‘eat food’, U does not listen. One command not adhered to makes that guy one percent weaker. Or, .04 percent weaker, whatever the percentage.

U: But I have to ‘feel’ that I’m not hungry, not just that…

D: That’s what you’re not getting right now. When you create an observing I…

U: It doesn’t think?

D: It doesn’t think. It keeps observing. Automatically, after some time of continuously doing this – a year, two years, three years – of doing this, a separation will happen. What you’re saying, that ‘I have to feel this’, that feeling – right now what you’re calling a feeling is actually controlled by an I.

Something else will happen, a break will happen. You will just become an observer. These guys will go on issuing commands. What you’re saying – that ‘I need to have that feeling of not wanting to follow that order..’ It won’t happen like that. They will keep on issuing orders but you will not listen. It will become a habit for you to observe. Like say, someone is ringing a bell from there, another from here, another from over there. You’re just sitting in the middle and listening. There is no need to jump up.

Whenever somebody calls out your name, don’t jump, pause. When the phone rings, don’t jump, hold. Not just your hand but the internal mechanism to react to it. If somebody says, Cant you hear me?, hold. Internally first, then external pause, then you move your face, slowly, consciously, and look at that person.

What was eerie about MR was that she could sense that whole thing within completely. You’ve not reached to that stage yet. (pause) I am faster, that is why you can’t see me do all these things but I have the same quality, meaning – I’m much slower internally and super-fast. So it means that I can do this at amazing speed so that the person in front of me can’t register what I’m doing. But in the beginning, I used to do that, what MR was doing.

Now, when the command is given and you don’t listen, and every such command given again and again is not listened to… it becomes weaker.

The way memory works… we talk about an event and an impression… this is the most important thing in life. Why is it the most important thing? There is nothing beyond this. Because, we have to listen to His voice. He is the only voice we have to listen to. He has created us, He is us. We have forgotten. In this stupid roar we have inside – there’s so much of noise inside, so many Is talking to us – when we stop listening to all these commands and their power goes down… they will not disappear because you see you still need to eat food but not for gratification, not in an obsessive manner, you eat as much as you are hungry – so the hunger centre will issue the command, not the I which is looking for gratification through hunger… when that happens, we will be able to listen to His voice.

And then life will be all okay. Because when you listen to his voice, he will tell you immediately what to do, you will know. You won’t have to watch the CWG on TV, you can see the games wherever you are, sitting here in Bombay.

U: And then where will we get out gratification from?

D: And then there will be no requirement for gratification because we ARE fully self-sufficient. Gratification presupposes that we are unfulfilled people. We are not unfulfilled; we are 100% self-sufficient, self-satisfied. Do you understand this? We are born complete and we die complete. But now, the way we are, we are born and we die incomplete.

There is no death and birth, and no birth and death. The cycle doesn’t exist in reality, it’s just an illusion.

But coming back to events in life and impressions. So impressions keep on happening and some command is always issued. Then, when I say that you and I are sitting in this room right now. You are sitting here, I am sitting here. But your impressions are different from my impressions. Life is nothing but impressions. Life is not this event. Because you are seeing this same event from your structure, I’m seeing it from my structure. It’s different for you and it’s different for me. It’s subjective in nature. The life that we speak about objectively is not really objective. The tree, the walls, the fan do not mean anything to you unless accompanied by some internal meaning. Do you understand? An event in life, if there is no meaning to it, will not register in your system. If you are sitting by yourself, not caring about anything, you will not notice the same wall, the same fan because you are absorbed in your own thoughts. That is what carries meaning for you – your daydreaming, your fantasies at that moment. The wall doesn’t carry any meaning for you unless the wall has some painting, some decoration that you like. Which is again not the decoration but the meaning it holds for you.

The meaning of certain things give meaning to life itself. And that is not about an objective thing, it is about your structure. This meaning is conveyed through impression. When we receive this impression – like I’m saying something… so even right now, when I’m talking to you, you are registering an impression within. This sound is being carried to you through your senses. Correct? But at the same time, it’s not being carried unbiased. There’s a filtration happening. Your structure comes in the way of the registration process.

So the food thing. One is the intellectual centre, then there is the emotional centre, the sexual centre and the movement centre. Let’s say if they had to have ratios of intensity, which they have… because I’m saying something to you, you’ve not jumped by me saying that. You work out things, you listen to what I’m saying. If I say, ‘What is your name?’, you don’t jump up and down with joy. You say, ‘My name is U.’ Why? Because you’ve understood the meaning of that question. How did you understand it? You heard the sound through your sense organs – the sense is the sense of hearing – and it carried an impression to your brain from the side over here and it said to the intellectual centre that I have to give a command over here to answer, ‘My name is U’.

But it is not that simple. At the same time, what you also did inside with regards to your sexual thing and your emotional thing… you can’t see that in a simple thing like ‘What is your name’. But when I say, ‘What is your name?’, what happens? Like suppose if I had to really ask you. You are associated with your name through your image. That image is about… what do we do with the image? Why do we have an image? (pause) Is this clear? When I say, ‘What is your name’, it is not as simple as answering my name is U?

U: You mean what goes on…

D: What goes on within. It is always associated with our image or who I am. Correct? So outwardly you may say ‘My name is U’ but inwardly, you’re seeking some kind of image gratification, some endorsement. Even if you say ‘My name is U’, depending upon who is asking, we will answer in different ways. And what we will do, sexually and emotionally, we will send out a vibration. We will say, ‘My name is U’, but the way that it is said, that the sexual and emotional centre will determine – how to say it. What you will also do, with your body language, with your vibrations, you’ll also send out another message – of wanting something more from that person or rejecting that person completely. If you want something from him, you will send out a kind of vibration, if you don’t want something, you will reject him and want to move on. But both are about your image, right? Your process of validation within. Correct?

In this, the intellectual centre plays a very small role now. It cannot see how these two have taken control. So the ratio is: the intellectual centre is at the intensity of 2, the emotional centre is at intensity of 4, double that of intellectual centre. Sexual centre is at an amazing intensity of 8.

U: Even when you want to reject the person?

D: It’s the same thing. It does not fulfill your need for sexual gratification, your image gratification. What I’m trying to tell you now from the earlier… we’re on the same thread as yet, we haven’t lost sight of the thread. The thread began with the need for sex. We are still on that.

This thing about rejection – it does not fulfill your need for gratification. Suppose he’s a beggar and you’ve already rejected all beggars in the world as not of any consequence to endorsing your image. You will not seek any endorsement from this person. You’ve already understood and accepted in your entire system that this beggar cannot with any authority put a stamp on me. So you will look at him indifferently. You will just reject him and walk away. Correct? This you have calculated a million times in your system – this man cannot give me the endorsement I am looking for. Correct? So, approval, the need for affirmation or rejection, is the same thing. Attraction and repulsion, they both are the same thing. They are not two different things.

Like, I want and I don’t want is the same thing. I want to have this, I want not to have thing – it’s the same. The thing is the same behind. It’s called desire. It’s not called affirmation, it’s not called wanting or rejecting. It’s called desire. Is that clear?

And the fourth centre is called movement centre which has an intensity of again 2. It is very weak. At night you said you’ll do the exercise in the morning. But in the morning, the sexual centre says let that go to hell, I need something else to gratify me. The movement centre has such less intensity, and these guys together – sexual centre and emotional centre – are at an intensity of 12. So, intellectual centre is 2, movement is 2. They are too weak.

Otherwise, we would be moving on our own. You don’t take a walk because your legs need a walk. You take a walk because you feel I should be walking for so and so reason. The emotional centre gives meaning. The sexual centre gives energy. Intellectual centre provides some logic then. Which is what we do in life. We say, oh I need to walk because I’m worth it… the L’Oreal ad will say ‘Because you’re worth it’. What it is not saying is – if you don’t get the attention from men by putting on this or that, you will feel worthless. Then other women will get all the attention and you will get left out. And women will not say, oh I want attention 24 hours a day. They will say ‘No, I’m worth it. I need to look in the mirror and tell myself oh I’m so beautiful and I’m so fit. For whom? You need the attention of a man. But why? Why can’t you have your own attention? But that is the way the structure has been designed. So… Yes?

U: So I’m thinking – is there any connection with that and the intellectual centre or is it separate?

D: What I just told you…

U: Like, when I’m calculating in my head, ‘I should say hi to this person in the office nicely because he might help me…’ That’s thinking…

D: That’s thinking based upon emotional and sexual gratification.

U: So the thinking that happens when I am in the emotional or sexual centre is not intellectual?

D: That’s what I’ve been telling you all these days, which you’ve understood also. When you start thinking, the emotional thing is already on. The emotional state has created the thinking process. So all of this thinking is not thinking, no? It is how to gratify the sexual and emotional need. Correct? So it’s not real thinking.

Real thinking is when the intensity of centres from 2:4:8:2 (I-E-S-M) becomes 5:2:2:1… from 2, intellectual centre increases to 5. Movement becomes 1 – half of what it was. Sex centre reduces by 1/4th – 8 becomes 2. Emotional centre reduces by 2 with refining exercises. Sexual centre reduces so much by phase exercises and something called corrective exercises. Intellectual centre – from 2 to 5 refining, phase, corrective, prism and self-observation 24 hours a day with 3srb music in rhythm. Without the 3srb music for 24 hours, none of this will happen. With it, left brain thinking will come under control. Right now, it’s reaction-based, completely.