Drawer of Secrets (Part 2)

So we were talking about secrets, blackmailing, excitement. Now let’s go back to where did that haze you (U) were in come from? When in your school, class, home (sister) and society, when you see somebody and you compare inside, you say I can’t do this, I don’t measure up. There’s always a comparative analysis going on, always. But when did that begin in you? It didn’t begin now. It was already in you before you took birth. That is why you’ve taken birth like this. It’s not about societal conditioning, your mother, sister, your school etc. It is the way you are, from earlier times, before birth…

U: Which was not resolved?

D: So now we’re trying to do what? We’re trying to resolve everything. So all this is perfect ground. What is happening is always perfect. We may think I need a kind of life which is just based on a comparative analysis that we have from within society, nothing else.

M: It’s known territory.

D: Yes, but it works because of the profit motive.

M: No, but lots of people knowingly go into things, knowing very well there’s success and failure. They might see only the bright side and get into it, but nothing is only success…

D: But we are all going by the profit motive, right?

M: But that is what they’re thinking is profit.

D: Yes, but they are pursuing what they think is profit, right? What you are talking about are the results.

M: But isn’t that again dependent on your temperament, your structure. That if you’re positive, you will probably see a profit in something that I might see a loss in.

D: No, you’re not getting the point. Whatever the action, whatever the motive and whatever the understanding of that particular action, no human is going to consciously go into a situation of loss or inflict pain upon himself. Suppose I burn myself, there is no loss motive even there. There’s still a profit motive, which is what? Anger, hitting back at my mother.

To give up myself completely, to negate myself, to dissolve myself is not the inherent property of the human organism. But the inherent property of you is to dissolve. That is why you’re in conflict all the time.

But you have to be clear about a few things first… what you were just saying is talking about the profit motive. All those human things. I’m not here talking about human things at all. That is already there in the whole world. I don’t need me to tell you all that. That every kind of topic has been covered by humans for zillions of years. I’m not trying to create a new understanding of existing stuff. I don’t want to reinvent the wheel. Whatever has been handed down in human civilization on planet earth and besides planet earth is all there and all useless according to me. What will I do adding to that anyway?

We are talking about those things that humans have not been able to understand and those that have understood it, have not talked about it. We are on an exploration (khoj?) of those hidden things. What are those things inside us? These hidden things are not outside – that we’ll go into space, find life out there etc. We are not concerned with that. All we’re concerned with is what’s hidden inside us?

Because when you converse with yourself, when you’re in a conflict with yourself, it’s a concept taken from planet earth and something you’ve brought with yourself from somewhere else – it’s between these two things that there’s a fight ongoing. Your basic intrinsic nature and what you see outside, the physical conditioning of planet earth – and you’re trying to see how can you get that little bit of happiness that others are getting. You understand this? This is the profit motive – how can I get this happiness too? Whatever it may be. So even if I’m burning myself, you may think he’s harming himself. But I’m punishing my mother. Or I have an ideal – I should have a Telangana state. So I’ll burn myself for the state of Telangana. That I’ve sacrificed myself for the cause. So don’t misunderstand.

So coming back, when we say I can’t do this (in comparison)… and we don’t say this. You (U) haven’t said all this in your childhood. You’ve acted out of resentment, out of anger and out of fear. Fear that I will never be that, this beautiful pretty girl. Anger with yourself that why am I like this?

U: Or why am I not like that?

D: Or being less than. That is the comparison you had inside of you as a part of you, before you were born. That anger turned into resentment over a period of time.

And intrinsically, what you began doing – and you have to look at this carefully. This is where you get your high from, this is where the woman is being blackmailed. This is where the whole domination-aggression-submission thing is happening. Not to say that the pretty woman isn’t about this same domination-aggression-submission thing. The point is not about this outside prettiness, the point is about the psyche which is inside us – what we are, not what our bodies are.

So when an U is going to be angry, this is the food. This anger, this fear and this resentment is the food. Now she will build upon this, act out in various ways. Let’s say, act out in a vicious manner. Now every time she’s vicious, the viciousness…. Now on the thermometer, the mercury rises. Now 98 is normal temperature, 104 is high fever. So fear and anger and resentment keeps going between 98 and 100. But when you get the chance in life to be vicious, it goes to 104, it gives you a high within, a pleasure. You feel intoxicated, your system enjoys it, that viciousness.

And there is no… in a person like M, there will be a conflict. In a N and U, there’ll be no conflict. There’s already a justification that been built upon years on a foundation of fear and anger and resentment. And you may show guilt, you may show that you’re sorry in a situation you’re forced to or if you’ve been exposed. Because the cunningness is so much.
And you will understand that affinity towards planet earth – understand this – the gravitational pull of planet earth… now understand that there’s no good or bad we’re talking about here. In human terms, in moral terms, we are not talking about those things at all.

U: It’s only when we associate these things with our real selves that we feel guilt…

D: And get confused about life and ask what do we do now? That good and bad is about that confusion. What I’m talking about is pure technical things. I’m talking about chemicals. You are taking it as moral and emotional stuff. So fear is a chemical, anger is a chemical. Resentment is the anger chemical becoming sour. Sour anger is resentment. By keeping it inside, it’s become sour. Anger not resolved, suppressed.

When anger is expressed with a motive to hurt, that is viciousness. Intentional hurt is viciousness.

Are you seeing things? Because you’re so much into the world, that you can’t see what I’m talking most of the time. Your perception is according to your system. Whereas I’m talking about something else completely. You’re at the surface level, I’m talking about several levels down.

This exercise I’ve given you – of looking straight and being able to see everything – this is not just a physical exercise. I can actually see so much in one instant because I’m looking at the core of things. The core is the cause of all the manifestations.

Do you understand? You are now 5ft 6 inches. At one time, you were not this. At one time, you were a cell. Your whole blueprint of life is not in these 5ft 6 inches. But you base your entire processing of life based upon how you are externally.

But you see the human person is not this body which is 5 ft 6, he’s in that cell which cannot be seen by you, your physical eye. You’re in that cell. So whatever you’re doing, it’s coming from your DNA let’s call it because that is the last humans have been able to know.

U: Although even your DNA is still there when you’re dead. It’s that thing you’re referring to that goes away when you die.

D: Yes, it’s that thing but we’ll come back to that some other time. But now, for purposes of communication and understanding, we’ll use the word DNA. Later, we will change the word once understanding develops. Or let’s use the word structure. It’s in your structure, this is you can’t see.

Now when I see you, I don’t see the 5 ft 6 inches, the hair or the pretty face… I see the structure of the person. Otherwise what happens is there’s a comparative analysis always going on between humans. Based upon what? This outside, the physical body, the emotional body and the mental body i.e. how you are carrying yourself, how you speak, how your thoughts are. All of the understanding you have is based on all these three – whatever you can see physically and what you can sense – the vibrations going back and forth – all humans can sense that. That’s the hidden communication going on between humans, the signals that keep on passing, the sexual stuff that goes on all the time between men and women, all the jealousy that goes on between colleagues in the office. Right?

But even in these vibrations, you can’t see the core of the person. Because even in the vibrations of emotions, of mental things, there is the comparative analysis always going on. Because you can’t see your own structure, how can you see somebody else’s structure? But, when you see the core, won’t you see everything? Because the core is made of everything. So when I say I look straight and I can see everything, I can see the person inside. That means I can see everything about the person. Isn’t it logical? When you see the core you’re seeing the whole person.

M: And all you’re projecting outside is your core…

D: But it’s not that you’re projecting what your core is. Some things you’re not even projecting outside. So somebody who has the eye to see, he can see the real thing. So do I need to look at each part of you to see you now? That will be a waste of time. That will be like the Einstein who goes out in movement, in outside space, and then one day realizes it’s useless. That is the purpose of being still. In stillness, you’ll see everything in one instant.

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